One of the first milestones of the British summer arrives this week with Glastonbury, although you’re not sure how because it seems like it was only last week that you were rapidly hitting the refresh button to get your mitts on tickets. The mother of all festivals features a line-up of world-class musical heavyweights including Adele, Coldplay, Muse, Disclosure and Foals. If you were one of the lucky people who did get the tickets, then congratulations! With over 135,000 other people from all over the globe set to join you, you’re guaranteed to bump into all sorts of characters. Like a festival safari guide, we’ve pulled together 7 of the people you’ll likely to meet.
1. The veterans
They’ve been to Glastonbury every year since the 70’s and they’re probably still wearing the same clothes. You’ll never see them running to catch James Blake on the West Holts Stage or queuing for half an hour at the bar. That’s because they are so in-tuned with the festival that it emits energy into their very soul and wherever they choose to go. Any party will immediately soar to euphoric heights around them.
2. The first-timers
Slightly over-whelmed at the sheer size of the 900 acre festival, this person is likely to appear lost and in awe most of time (a bit like the first-time wanderluster you spot at every tourist hot spot). They’ll be the ones camping in a half made tent with their sleeping bag hanging out the end, in the mud, right next to the toilets, after going way too hard on the first night. But no amount of muddy clothes and hangovers will deter this newbie from have the best weekend of their life.
- Get away from the over-zealous Glastonbury newbies at Sziget festival in Budapest. It runs from August 10th-17th and tickets are still on sale. Flights from Heathrow to Budapest start from £100.
3. #festyfriends
Selfie stick locked and loaded, these social media obsessed festival-goers can only see clearly looking through the glass of their smartphone. They’ve packed enough bindis and floral headbands to supply a small country to make sure they’re Instagram ready and they aren’t ashamed to drop the word ‘festy’ or ask you to take a photo of them and their friends 50 times while you’re waiting for you’re favourite band.
4. The optimistic music fan
This person has studied the festival programme back to front, made playlists of all the acts they want to see and has every intention of seeing all of them. The trouble with Glastonbury is that its size does not lend itself well to this type of festival-goer. Effectively a large town in in a field It can take up to half an hour to walk from on stage to another and in no time you’ll see their inner conflict written all over their face as they start to axe acts like a weird mental game of Britain’s Got Talent.
5. Topman frat boys
Like a pack of wild hyenas this group of ‘lads’ would have been down the gym every day for the last six months to now finally be able to don their Topman tank tops and cheap neon sunglasses. One will likely always be vomiting while the others rave on, stopping every now and again to help their wounded companion with the well-known medical cure that is more beer.
- Escape the Topman frat boys at Exit festival in Serbia. Tickets are still on sale for the event, which kicks off on 7th July. Flights from Heathrow to Belgrade start from £217.
6. The one who isn’t all there
Either tanked up on cheap vodka and beer or taken a few too many disco biscuits this person’s lights are on but there is definitely no one at home. Trying to have a conversation with them is futile and do not make eye contact at any time as they may mistake you for their new best friend.
7. The tall ones
You will never see this person walking around the festival. They live underground and only come out when you’ve waited an hour to see Adele and they come and stand right in front of you. There’s no mistaking them as they will be the tallest person in a hundred metre radius and exactly in your line of sight of the stage. Enjoy!
Want something a little bit more alternative? Take a look at the 5 of the craziest nude festivals in the world for some inspiration.
Or, if you live in the south-west and all the Glastonbury chaos has made you want to jump on the first flight out of the country, we’ve got just the place for you to launch a flight search.
